The Thing About Skiing

Whilst snowbound in Queenstown Mr H was despatched on a hunter-gathering expedition to the supermarket. Crossing the frozen wastes I fell in behind two uber-cool, positively sub-zero, ski types. The were walking very carefully, obviously nursing several different injuries.

The following conversation reminded me whilst I admire anyone who can slide down steep slopes, but also why I remain slightly bemused by the whole enterprise…

Ski-Boy #1: ‘Hey Bud (manly back slap), awesome week? ‘
Ski-Boy #2: ‘Yeh….(solemn, meaningful, man-pause)…awesome bud ‘
SB 1: ‘I’ve got a goal for my last day’
SB 2: ‘awesome’
SB 1: ‘my aim is to stay upright for more than 3 seconds’
SB 2: (without a hint of irony/sarcasm and much admiration) ‘awesome, wow, bud, that’s amazing’
SB 2: ‘i’ve got one two’
SB 1: ‘awesome bud, whats it?’
SB 2: ‘after 2 weeks practice I might be ready for a little jump’
SB 1: ‘awesome, bud, wow, cool’
SB 1 & 2: (laughter, congratulations and more back-slapping)

Now I am a total outsider the world of sallopettes and orange goggles, so this is all biased. But whoever invented the ski industry must be laughing all the way to the bank (probably several, Swiss ones).

You get people to spend eye watering amounts of money (once up the hill you even get charged for breathing), participate in a potentially life-threatening activity, wrapped up in more lycra and puffy stuff than is surely healthy, sustaining myriad of minor injuries, with a whole lot of standing about. After all that the end of 2 weeks the height of achievement is to ‘stay upright for more than 3 seconds!’

And before SB 1 & 2 got to the supermarket they were planning the next trip! It’s an advertiser’s dream….’two weeks of the coldest, most painful, poverty-inducing fun, money (quite alot of it) can buy!’ Pure Genius!

Of course my ‘on piste’ expertise is strictly limited to Ski Sunday (cue the music) and a reality TV show called ‘Chalet Girls’ (less said the better), which probably accounts for why I find the above amusing. You, on the other hand, probably find me deeply sad and in need of a fortnight at Chamonix…

….Oh, and I haven’t even started on Snowboardng!!!

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